Happy Marriage Day!

We took this picture in the sand of a California beach. Your marriage should be your second most important focus of everyday. Second only to your walk with God.

Marriage is intended to be a happy union. There will be times of "intense fellowship", but overall a marriage should not be founded on straight faces, frowns, or discomfort in general.

Elizabeth and I have been married over six years now and every day we both do what we can to make the other smile. Everyone on this earth will only liv once, what's the point of living a life that is unpleasant. The happier you are, the healthier you will be and in return the longer you will liv. 

Elizabeth and I had been married for a while when I made the observation that there is no nationally celebrated "Marriage Day". We have many other "Days" in this country. We've got mothers, fathers, and even grand-parents day. But I've never heard anyone reference "Marriage Day". So with rebellion against a country that doesn't honor marriage as it used to be; I decided that we would make our own "Marriage Day". So with love in our heart and smiles on our faces we have always gotten much pleasure from celebrating our "Happy Marriage Day".

What day of the year do we celebrate our Marriage Day?

Is it our anniversary?

No

Is it the first of the year?

No

Is it a randomly chosen day of the year?

No

Our Marriage Day is every day that we are together.

We let each other know that we are enjoying a moment together when we say, "Happy Marriage Day!". We don't need an instituted Holy-Day for us to recognize each other out of formal obligation. Instead we choose to let each other know that we don't take each other for granted. Being genuine is the most heartfelt satisfaction that one can have, it's especially strong when our intentions can't be misinterpreted as "obligatory".

This is a special thing that Elizabeth and I share between us but I encourage you to do the same.

Sometimes we say it daily, and other times we might say it once or twice a week. It always makes us smile when the other person surprises us with it. It's a genuine exchange between us that isn't derived from pop-culture.

Always value your marriage, NEVER say the "D" word and do all you can to make yourself a better person in the marriage. When "intense fellowship" arises, be wise and take time to think about what has passed. If you still feel that they are in the wrong or have a habit that needs to be fixed before it passes to the next generation, bring it up when spirits are light. Loving spouses care about their children and understand that only the other spouse can truly help them to raise a better generation through improving themselves and each other.

Take critiques seriously and commit them to heart. You'll raise a beautiful family if you do.

It's easy to become angry when someone critiques us, remember it's not an enemy, it's a "life-partner". Life being the important word. Intense fellowship will help the two of you to better understand how to communicate as adults and to better understand the personal needs of each other as well as boundaries that may not seem so obvious.

Love your spouse. You should be married to your best friend. Treat them as such. When you are feeling rushed, look in their eyes for an "extended moment" and just let them know you love them. Enjoy the small moments together. Those are the valuable things in your life that no one can take away.

This part is solely for the men.

Look into your wives eyes.  Deeply.  Until you can see her soul.  Then take in all the information that doing such will give you. You'll better understand her needs and also why she may not always do all the things you want to.

For both husbands and wives.

Read "The Five Love Languages".

It's that simple. Learn which ways in which your spouse conveys and receives love and refine it over and over until the two of you are both satisfied with how each of you receives and conveys love.

A small story. Part of my personality makes it so that I enjoy surprises. That is one of the love languages. Elizabeth on the other hand prefers to have everything planned. It's part of her accountant personality. When we first were married I had to learn that Elizabeth didn't appreciate surprises because they changed the parameters of what she was dealing with at any time. I on the other hand had to educate her that I love surprises. Unpredictability makes me feel young and healthy. It took her a while to learn to come out of her "box", but ultimately she found ways to let me know she loved me by appealing to such. Likewise I had to find ways to go against my nature by planning things that we could do together. It was weird for me. I always prefer to do things off-the-cuff. I'm not sure if I'm doing well enough, but it's having that thought in my head that matters. There is always tomorrows marriage day.

Communication is the most important aspect of a marriage. Second is love.

If you are married to your best friend you should be able to talk about anything. You may have to wait till the right time, but still there shouldn't be any topic off-limits. When you talk, talk with love-without raising your voice. Resorting to raising your voice shows that you've already lost control and are not willing to talk person to person. Being an adult means that sometimes you have to concede and to change. Change.

Doing these things will teach your children what "normal" is supposed to be. That's important for your health, your spouses health, your children's health, and societies health in general.

Being angry, yelling, or not talking to your spouse is not normal. Seek Normal. It's what is healthy.

You will have happiness in your life and in your marriage when you have self-accountability.

When having intense-fellowship, I strong encourage you to hug each other and then to take a break to reassess what transpired. You may likely find that there was nothing to be gained and that likely it was simply an ego, either of yours or theirs, that was getting in the way. When they have the humility to concede error, don't have the arrogance to say "I told you so", or anything of the like. There is no profit in that. Be married and make each other better people. If you or your spouse concedes error, simply love each other and give each other a sincere hug. This is what is normal.

 Being defensive is unhealthy and can blind you to what or whom is truly in error.

With Christian Love, blessed with the gift of salvation from God and our Father, I pray for blessings of the Lord our Savior to be abundant in your marriage. Be Humble. Husbands, be the head of your house by example. Wives, understand your place in the home. A man may not always be able to communicate how he feels disrespected, but he will always know WHEN he feels disrespected.

Humility and submission will heal any bruise.

Two smiles to leave you with.